Thursday 11 April 2013

Need help? Dear aNaBaNaNa & JaNiSBoBaNiS

Living in SL is FULL of pitfalls, things that you tend to have to learn by experience as you don't have 'parents' to guide you through to virtual online emotional intelligence.  From SL love affairs, fights with friends, what to wear, where to go, heartbreak, what to buy, viewers, to how to wear those goddam pixel genitals.

 We are always learning (just like RL) and SL keeps on moving the goal posts!

SO..

Ask Dear aNaBaNaNa &  JaNiSBoBaNiS was born.  

Feeling stressed?  Need some advice?  How about just someone to listen and offer an outside point of view? Hell we'll even go undercover and expose a cheater for you for a small fee... 

Send us a letter and we'll respond with a completely unbiased point of view for you. Maybe it'll help you in your decisions?  Maybe it'll give you some insight.  Everything's easier said than done.  Sometimes we just need someone to listen to us.  Not to pass judgement.  Not to take sides.  Just listen and respond with an unprejudiced point-of-view."


First off here's our place, make it yours!

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Sweety%20Bay/167/163/22

Second off here's the place to post to...RIGHT HERE! OR Send us a notecard in SL and we'll respond in the form of a blog post personally for you.  Just let us know who you would like an answer from, You can choose Ana or Janis or both...Deke the dude is available for some straight talking if you'd prefer!


Mental Illness...The Leper of the Healthcare Community

Just some blogs and articles.  
I have atypical depression which leads to a binge eating disorder.  I believe a lot of you on SL have mental health issues too.  Sometimes it is why we are here in SL.  Your mental health problems dont disappear when you log on do they?
SL = RL
Chromium treatment of depressionMalcolm N. McLeod and Robert N. Golden (2000).
The International Journal of Neuropsychopharmacology, Volume 3,
Issue 04, December 2000 pp 311-314

Second Life = Real Life......Come on, argue with me

ARRGGGGGGG! Sorry I am soooo frustrated.  Some arse just said to me "This is SL hun" ARRRRRRGGGGGG!

OK, lets get this straight so we all know we are playing the same 'game'.

Second Life, a 3 dimensional chat room with amazingly cool stuff to play with in it. Inside this 'chat room' you have the ability to play 'role-playing games'e.g. Gor. Or you can just create an avatar and interact with other 'playyyerrrrs' (I am totally doing the Mike Myers indicating with my fingers the apostrophes)

When you are flirting, interacting, whatever it is with another 'avatar' you are talking to a 'person'.

When you are flirting, creating a relationship or having SL sex with an 'avatar', you are flirting and having SL sex with another 'person'.
When you hide these actions from your RL partner you are 'cheating on them'. 
If you are conducting this relationship in front of your RL partner...well...that's kinda weird, but whatever.  You are having a relationship with another 'person'. When you take this relationship to skype....well, IT IS NOT SL BABY!!

SL = RL FRIENDS

Finding friends in RL has always been kinda easy for me. You can see that mad glint in their eyes, observe what makes them giggle and get a general feeling for them as you talk. If you're a fan of Monty Python and/or the goon show you're mine baby. SL isnt that different as after a conversation with me, if they dont laugh at my stupid humour then it's not a match made in heaven.

SL is different though in that there is a group of Americanites living there that have never heard of Monty Python and/or the Goon Show...OMG...(MP should be compulsory in schools) How do they know 'How not to be seen'.

Everything is fine again now though since I discovered two spectacular women on the internet to be my 'friend testers'. After watching these 2 womens videos the only real question I have for you, a potential 'friend'is, did you ROFLMAO?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=5qYY06KD_Zg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=BYW6C44zo24

Answer yes and I will beg to friend you, answer no and I will just annoy the crap out of you probably so - as you were

I realised that looks do play a small part as illustrated when Anastasia and I made friends. After a while of bonding on SL we decided to webcam on Skype. The first thing she said when we saw each other was "Yay, I could so party with you!" Sweetest thing she could have said. I wonder if she remembers that...

Anastasia and I have become so very close, we share everything with each other. We cry, laugh, bitch, laugh, argue, laugh, whinge and laugh, pretty much all of that every week. We talk on skype everyday and spend out SL time together mostly. Neither of us have had such a close and real friendship like this before and I thank the universe for bringing us together. The only problem being she lives in Texas and I am in New Zealand. It can be so frustrating when your friend is distressed not being able to hug them, find the tissues & make them a cup of tea etc. Just cant pop round for the evening to watch TV...but thank god for SL. I mean it, sometimes SL hugs and stuff do really help.

OK my point? I totally forgot. But just another example of how SL = RL dont ya think?

The Truth in SL Will Set You Free

So here we are in the glorified fun interactive chat room we call Second Life.  That’s what it is isn’t it?  For all of us non role playing avatars at least I can say that for sure and most of the role playing dudes as well.  It’s a giant fun chat room with loads of stuff to do and explore.
 So I gather most of us are here seeking friendship, love and belonging.  Can I pass on something I learned in SL that may seem a little obvious when dealing with actual ‘chat rooms’ and real life, but a lot of people here in SL will never discover?  To meet like minded souls you must be yourself and present yourself truthfully, honestly, warts and all.

You want someone who loves you for you if you are looking for RL love…don’t you?  If it’s just a SL relationship you are after, say so, even when you risk losing some hot babes along the way, you will eventually find a like minded individual that will meet your criteria and a happy SL union is found.

Yes, what a concept!  I agree it is tempting to exaggerate a little about yourself when you get to talk to the avatar with a drop dead gorgeous RL dude behind it.  White lies are harmless right?  Think it through girlfriend.  ‘The truth will set you free’

So drop dead gorgeous takes your bait and falls head over heels with you in RL, you have hooked him...oh yay, well done you! 

So now he wants to meet you in RL, or wants to webcam together.  Then start the black lies, “the web cam is broken” type lies, the “I’ll be out of town that weekend” kind of lies.  The “I am going to Africa on a medical aid mission” kind of lies.  You are treading water at this stage, you can’t meet him, he isn’t the potential love of your life and you certainly aren’t his, but you want him, and cant tell the truth or he’ll hate you forever. 

You are robbing this unsuspecting person of the potential to meet the real life true love that he is aching foras you continue to hold his attention with your make believe persona.  Did you send him photographs that weren’t of you?  Did you embellish you career from hospital cleaner to Doctor?  Did you tell him you were divorced when you are still married in every way? 

You still have a choice at this late stage.  ‘The truth will set you free’ because even though he may be disappointed and hurt, eventually he will appreciate that you respected him enough to come clean and stop wasting his precious time, his precious feelings and his very precious intimacy and love.  You know just like RL….

It’s just SL, it’s just pixels, and it’s not real? BuLLSHiT! BuLLSHiT! BuLLSHiT!

OK, let’s just say you are so beyond help, a psychopath, with no concept of empathy, only self interest.  You know the jig is nearly up so you need a way out.  I know...lie.  You become deathly ill in Africa and he eventually finds out, through your ‘sister’ who is also in SL, that you have died.  He and your friends in SL go through REAL grief, not pixel grief.  The pain in their hearts is real pain and the emotional scars left are also agonisingly real.

It was great planning on your behalf to have an alt that is you RL sister by the way, that way you narcisistic needs are met as you bathe in the grief of your SL friends in the wake of your passing.  Lovely. 

It just occurred to me you ARE showing your true self aren’t you.  I admit now that I have been barking up the wrong tree all along.  In RL you are a manipulative deceitful narcisistic psychopath aren’t you, and you may be the most perfect illustration of RL=SL I may ever need.


Bless your heart, I totally believe in KHARMA muah

KIA ORA

Hoi,
I’m Janis, the other half of the unprofessionals, I am an amateur psychologist.  Welcome to my SL.  Anastasia Bergbahn is the other half of our unprofessional team, and here's a link to her blog http://goshgestures.blogspot.com definitely a great read.

My opinion, for what it’s worth, is that in RL your character is defined by what you do when no one is watching.  What a wonderful opportunity we have in SL to test our character to the fullest.  We are essentially anonomous, and being anonomous we have so many opportunities to either do the right thing, or the wrong thing…to treat others kindly or fuck them over and lie to their asses…and get away with it.  There are few concequences in SL compared to the what the same actions would bring you in RL so what exactly would stop you from having a little fun at someone elses expense?  Your RL character is what, who you are in RL, that’s what.

RL and SL are separate?  It’s just pixels?  It's a game?  BuLLSHiT!  BuLLSHiT!  BuLLSHiT!

ANYHOO, I will, bless my heart, psychoanalyse you from the moment we meet…sorry, can not help it, it’s my thing.  Besides it sure takes my mind off my own problems 
  
If you come up on my radar as pretty normal (and that’s relative guys, I am not exactly the picture of mental health myself) I will embrace your relative normalness and love you to bits.  If on the other hand I suspect a deviation from normalness (Note to self: look up normalness..dont think it’s a word) it will be my extreme pleasure to diagnose you, unprofessionally and with amateur enthusiasm, without your knowledge. 

You see, there is no point sharing the diagnosis.  See below:
1. Who the hell do I think I am!
2. Most cases I deal seem to be varied cases of Autism or Personality disorder and are unable to have insight into their own behaviour, even when faced with it.
3. What if I am wrong………………nah lmao
4. Who the hell do I think I am!

It’s the relatively normal people in SL that will benefit from my amateurish delvings into their inner brainfucks.  Bring me your abused, your addicts, your angry, your sad.  They actually want help.  They will ask for it and appreciate it.

I have a dream…that governments would grow some balls and throw squillions of dollars into early childhood, psychologists, healthcare, education.  In 20 years our jails would have rooms vacant..imagine..imagine there’s no heaven..oops, another quote.  Seriously, imagine if every child had a psychologist (I mean a perfect psychologist, this is a dream remember) assigned to them and their parents from birth.  Mental health issues would be dealt with or referred.  Imagine a world full of emotionally intelligent people. 

Yeah, I know.  I am having trouble imagining it too.

{Originally posted 12th January 2010}